Just some thoughts...

Michael's first birthday is just days away. As it approaches I find myself doing a lot of thinking about the past year and how it has affected me, my life, my family, and my family's lives. I never realized how ignorant I was to birth defects until my son, my beautiful little pride and joy, was born with a very rare and serious birth defect. I, like a lot of other moms, thought, "It won't happen to me. My kids will be perfectly healthy with absolutely no problems." etc., but boy! was I wrong. It never occurred to me that infants could have a major heart surgery at just days old, much less did I ever think it could happen to me.
But it did. I did everything right during my pregnancy, thought that nothing could possibly go wrong with my little baby, but God had other plans for me, my family, and, most importantly, my son.
When I gave birth, I had no idea about my son's heart defect. All of a sudden, doctors and nurses were throwing all sorts of information at me. I can not describe how overwhelming it was. I got to hold my little boy twice in his first day of life. Most mothers get to hold their baby and love on them right after birth for more than a minute, maybe two, and most mothers unknowingly take that moment for granted. I didn't get to hold him very much throughout the first week of his life. I watched my little boy turn blue. I watched him struggle and fight for his life. I watched him get poked and pricked more times than I can count. I walked him down the hallway to surgery. I sat in the surgery waiting room with my husband and family waiting for the phone call to tell me he was okay. I saw my little boy have tubes down his throat, IVs in every limb and even his head, a drainage tube in his chest. I didn't get the privilege of watching my little boy's umbilical cord turn into a perfect little belly button. I watched as my little boy suffered, fighting a staph infection just six days after coming home from the hospital. I saw the scar on his chest and I see it every day. It is a constant reminder to me that life is so very precious. Never take any minute for granted. All those moments when you just wish the day was over or wish something were different happen for a reason. I do not yet know God's whole reason for giving me this amazing child. I do know that Michael has helped me grow as a person and a mother. He has taught me more than I could learn anywhere. He has taught me the true meaning of life and to never take anything for granted. I love my children more than words can describe. My life would be so incomplete without them <3